Pretending?

The greatest among you will be your servant.  For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted. - Matthew 23:11-12

To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable: “Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector.  The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector.  I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.’

“But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner.’

“I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” - Luke 18:9-14

I find that these Bible texts really addresses my core, my heart.  The why am I doing what I'm doing.  I find myself reminded of Jesus' comment regarding the church in Laodicea in Revelations 3:15-16, "I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot.  I wish you were either one or the other!  So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth."  Here Jesus says to me that it is more important for me to be who I am in my heart on the inside and not to pretend to love Him if I don't.  Be cold or be hot, but don't pretend to be something I'm not. (I'm a poet and don't know it.)

This matches what I am reading in the parable in Luke above, the Pharisee stood there accepted by the church and able to pray at the altar.  He prayed about himself, what he had done.  But the tax collector, he wouldn't even approach the altar because the church didn't want his kind in there and I suspect he felt a sense of shame for his sin, and he pleads for God's mercy.  The Pharisee is pretending, a hypocrite, but the tax collector is real.  Jesus wants the real within me.  If I'm not real, I need to find that impure motive and bring it out and address it.  I need to be like the tax collector, knowing that I am a sinner and pleading for God's mercy.

Why do I pray?  Why do I teach that class?  Why do I give to God?  Why do I support that missionary?  Why do I do a devotional?  What is my motive, my purpose, behind these actions?  Am I real in my heart as to the purpose of these things?  Or, is it a show.  Oh may I not be a hypocrite, cursed as these Pharisees were in Matthew by the Son of God!

But let me be real for a moment with a few more questions.  Why do I love my wife?  Is it because my heart desires her, yearns for her, wants to know her more closely than anyone else I know, values her above all other created persons, and my heart hurts when we're apart?  Why do I love my kids?  Why do I want them to be successful?  Is it so I can walk proudly?  Or is it so they can have a blessed life and be whomever God called them to be?  ...  What is my reality?  Jesus is calling me to His reality of genuine love and a genuine life.

Jesus further said in Revalation 3:17, "You say, ‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.’  But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked."  What a destruction wealth in physical things can be, but if I relate this back to Luke, what a destruction a wealth in the knowledge of how to act in a churchly manner can be!  Jesus confronts me and says "You are a sinner!"  And Paul acknowledges saying, "Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am chief" (1 Timothy 15).  I cannot forget my place as a fellow sinner with every person created.  I cannot forget my need for life support through God's mercy and grace.

From this position I should always be able to see His compassion for me and His desire for me to be compassionate to others.  From there, my heart can be real, my motive is real, my purpose is His purpose, and my place is kneeling under His throne knowing that I have nothing else.  My life must be Jesus the Christ, or it is nothing.