Love, love, love

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails. - 1 Corinthians 13:7

I believe this is one of Tony Dungy's best devotions so far in this Uncommon devotional guide.  He starts by saying, "There is no clearer showcase of your character than your relationships - the way you treat others and expect them to treat you."  I've never thought about what is a person's showcase of character.  The thought is an interesting concept.  If character can be defined as who you are when no one is looking, then how you treat your close relationships is in a way who you are when the rest of the world isn't looking? 

I am reminded of an Andy Griffith episode where a couple fights constantly in their marriage but are very kind and generous to everyone else.  Andy gets them to stop and to be nice to each other but they start then to be ornery and short-fused to everyone else.  He finally says, "What looks like wrestling to some is playing to others."  And he gets them to go back to fighting with each other so they'll be nice.

I know I don't understand much in this area.  The character of someone can be perceived differently by the view of different people standing in different locations.  Perception by definition is dependent upon location and viewpoint.  The important element of perception is to see the Biblical view, but even then it is imperative to give someone the benefit of the doubt, as inevitably as I have experienced time and again, while it may appear they are doing something out of character there is some justifiable reason for it and they are really doing the greater good.  Julie and I talk about this often and have learned to not think we can see everything behind someone's actions.

"I think a lot of people are confused about relationships, especially marriage. ... Many moms and dads either weren't around or didn't demonstrate how to truly love someone else."  I think this is true, but I want to be careful not to use it as an excuse.  Maybe someone had the perfect example to follow, but then they married someone that is a lot different than their father/mother.  Obviously the dynamics of their relationship will be different, however the basics of loving the other in a Biblical defined way should stay the same.  I never saw such a relationship when I was growing up.  The best example might be a few of my Aunts and Uncles, but seeing a relationship from the outside is not the same as from the inside.  I feel like I've had to learn everything from the ground up and I find it to be pretty scary but roller coasters are sometimes, they are also exhilarating.

"And those who look to the church to clear up the confusion are often disappointed, finding either misinterpretations of Scripture that overemphasize 'head of household' control or misinterpretations of Christ that depict Him as passive and weak and expecting us to be that way too."  The book The Way of the Wild Heart by John Eldredge discusses this topic very well.  I certainly don't think I can add anything to what he describes.

"Love means making every decision with the other person's well-being in mind."  This is the best sentence in this devotion.  If only I could make this concept of thinking and action habitual.  If I could make it the first thought, my first action, how much might my character change!  How much more would the people around me benefit!

"Be active in the lives of others - your spouse, your family members, and your friends.  Talk to them and, more important, listen to them.  Invest your time and attention.  Be interested in them, be supportive, and be involved.  Real love changes lives - including yours."  I'm reminded of the saying, "People don't  care how much you know until they know how much you care."  This could be restated to say, "People don't care how much God loves them unless they see a Godly love in you."