Last night, I was awoken from a restful sleep by strong feelings leading me to recognize that I should stop teaching a Sunday School class.
Immediately in my mind I felt as though I was in water and at the bottom of a very deep place lying on my side. Above me was dark and the only light was a glow from something bright to the side that I couldn't see. From the glow I could see a single foot of a giant in the distance and I knew I was at the feet of God. An oddly shaped 4-leaf clover looking handle appeared in front of me and I knew to grab it. When I did I was pulled into a giant river of flowing lava looking substance. Though it was flowing it wasn't going in any particular direction. Once I entered it, I dissolved completed and did not exist.
I don't know how to describe the feeling of your existence being wiped away. You as you know you are no longer. I just don't know how to put into words exactly how that feels. Everything you know, have known, did, didn't do, were, were't, or whatever is no longer. You are gone.
Was I taken into a river of lava in the pit of hell and dissolved for being the wretch that I am? At first, I certainly believed this. But God said to me, can not the spirit of God be fiery and intense? And I thought of the tongues of fire at Pentecost and the flowing light from another of my dreams and immediately saw that this was not the pit of hell, but something different. And I no longer had a name that mattered as I was spread apart to wide to be myself and no longer was myself but dissolved into it.
And I am praying for more interpretation.
Yes, I know, that's strange. If you keep reading, it gets stranger.After reflecting on this obvious impression upon me and wondering if it was God speaking to me or what or why I would have these feelings, I felt like God impressed even more upon me. There will be a renewal, a vibrancy, a type of revival-like occurrence at the church, and I would have no leadership role in it. Oddly though, it was as if He asked me if I was okay with that. And so I answered that I was just thankful that such a thing would happen for the church, what did I matter?
Immediately in my mind I felt as though I was in water and at the bottom of a very deep place lying on my side. Above me was dark and the only light was a glow from something bright to the side that I couldn't see. From the glow I could see a single foot of a giant in the distance and I knew I was at the feet of God. An oddly shaped 4-leaf clover looking handle appeared in front of me and I knew to grab it. When I did I was pulled into a giant river of flowing lava looking substance. Though it was flowing it wasn't going in any particular direction. Once I entered it, I dissolved completed and did not exist.
I don't know how to describe the feeling of your existence being wiped away. You as you know you are no longer. I just don't know how to put into words exactly how that feels. Everything you know, have known, did, didn't do, were, were't, or whatever is no longer. You are gone.
Was I taken into a river of lava in the pit of hell and dissolved for being the wretch that I am? At first, I certainly believed this. But God said to me, can not the spirit of God be fiery and intense? And I thought of the tongues of fire at Pentecost and the flowing light from another of my dreams and immediately saw that this was not the pit of hell, but something different. And I no longer had a name that mattered as I was spread apart to wide to be myself and no longer was myself but dissolved into it.
I know what you're thinking. Chris, please please quit taking drugs. Maybe it was the boiled peanuts and chocolate milk I had before bed. I really don't know, but I know it happened in my mind and the feelings are real. Being awake and having a dream is a very strange experience.I prayed this morning for revelation. I asked God to provide me with interpretation. The best I can gather is that I shall have no influence upon our church. I should let it go and just be, as God so does His will with it. There will be leaders and there will most definitely be movement. Praise God for it. It is their time and they are ready, I am not.
And I am praying for more interpretation.
3 comments:
From Peter's sermon on that Pentecost day, from Joel 2:
Acts 2:17-21New International Version (NIV)
17
“‘In the last days, God says,
I will pour out my Spirit on all people.
Your sons and daughters will prophesy,
your young men will see visions,
your old men will dream dreams.
18
Even on my servants, both men and women,
I will pour out my Spirit in those days,
and they will prophesy.
19
I will show wonders in the heavens above
and signs on the earth below,
blood and fire and billows of smoke.
20
The sun will be turned to darkness
and the moon to blood
before the coming of the great and glorious day of the Lord.
21
And everyone who calls
on the name of the Lord will be saved.
So after a brief time of prayer, lots of questions, but no answers - I suppose I'm not to be your interpreter.
1. What's leading you to quit teaching? Your notes herein indicate that this was something already in progress. Remember that conviction is a tool of the Holy Spirit that leads to repentance and forgiveness; guilt and shame are used by satan to rob us of Christ's victory over the spiritual death of sin both in eternal life and in the here and now. Are you sure God is calling you to quit? If so, to do what instead? Is God calling you to other ministry or ministry elsewhere?
2. I'm mindful that Christ considered himself nothing, not even good as an example for us. We cannot cause, manipulate, or lead a revival. We can only participate or reject the movement of the Spirit.
3. It's been too long since we had a meaningful discussion of where we are spiritually. We need to sequester ourselves and ponder what God is saying.
I guess I'm an old man dreaming dreams as I doubt I'm a young man seeing visions. ... Haha!
I don't really want to stop teaching, but if I feel a pull to do so I believe it would be irresponsible to not follow it. If I was going to stop over feelings of inadequacy or not being "good enough" to do it, I would have stopped a long time ago.
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