Angry, Bro?

“Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil. - Ephesians 4:26-27

The term "conflict avoidance" has become a pretty big term for me in my marriage.  Mainly because I was a major avoider in how I deal with problems.  I've taken time to try to investigate the why I am that way and offer to myself the following: 1) My Dad is a master of conflict avoidance and has never dealt with any problem head-on and whether you like it or not your parents leave an impression of themselves upon you, 2) I had a major anger problem when I was young and into my teens, I should have underscored the word major, and as I learned to control it - a part of that control is to not be in direct conflicts (unless purposeful like sports) that put you in situations where you might not be able to control it, 3) I just don't like confrontations, I get uncomfortable and I feel like the person doesn't like me and I want people to like me (I used to anyway).

All that said, I have thrown it away and resolved to not be a conflict avoider.  I can't be, it is too costly, and I refuse to risk my wife over it.  We now take quick steps, even though we are very uncomfortable, to discuss and be open about our conflict.  Even if we have to expose our deeper emotional responses that we know don't make sense but are how we feel.  It is amazing at how quickly I can heal and how much better I feel once I get something out.  Then, that part is behind me and I can move forward.

As I study this verse, I find it intriguing.  We are told to "Be angry".  I take this as permission that it is okay to be angry.  Sometimes we should get angry - God created the emotion for a reason.  But why does our society and our church outcast us if we get angry?  It must be because we commonly sin when we are angry.  This instruction is careful to immediately say "and do not sin" and to follow it with "nor give place to the devil".

This teaches me that anger is a powerful emotion.  So powerful that the devil looks to use it at every opportunity - "walks about like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour".  We are to use this powerful emotion, "be angry", but very carefully.  It is important to allow ourselves to be angry when it is proper and in the context it should be used so that others may see that some things are wrong and they might, after seeing the anger, resolve to change and reexamine their direction and choices.  Being careful not to sin, I think the term "Merciful Anger" should be our approach.  Mercy can be defined in some ways as power under control; anger is powerful; therefore our application must be anger applied under control.