Yesterday I woke up covered in sin guilt. My mind felt it was necessary to "dig up bones" and "resurrect memories better left alone" as the song Digging Up Bones sang by Randy Travis says. I could refeel all the regret, the heartbreak of knowing the pain I have caused in others, the despair of knowing who or what I am capable of being. My heart was broken, my spirit crushed, and I was again just wondering why God would allow me to stay alive knowing that I could hurt another one of His children again. As I made light conversation with those around me, on the inside I wanted to yell a warning to everyone around me to "Run, run, as fast as you can. I have a disease and I don't want you to get it."
But then, the Lord spoke. He asked some questions. "Are you telling Me what I can and can't do?" "Is there a limit to My power?" "Do you think you are the one I can't save?" "Do you think you are the one I won't forgive?" ... "All is vanity" Solomon wrote. And pity parties are included in that "all".
I remember Pastor Pace saying, "When the devil gets on my shoulder and reminds me where I've been, I just remind him where he's going!" Sounds good, but it's not the easiest mode to transfer back into. No matter what I do I can't change the past. It'll always be as it is. The hurt is still there. Will it ever be gone? I believe the answer is "Yes."
But then, the Lord spoke. He asked some questions. "Are you telling Me what I can and can't do?" "Is there a limit to My power?" "Do you think you are the one I can't save?" "Do you think you are the one I won't forgive?" ... "All is vanity" Solomon wrote. And pity parties are included in that "all".
I remember Pastor Pace saying, "When the devil gets on my shoulder and reminds me where I've been, I just remind him where he's going!" Sounds good, but it's not the easiest mode to transfer back into. No matter what I do I can't change the past. It'll always be as it is. The hurt is still there. Will it ever be gone? I believe the answer is "Yes."
Some bright morning when this life is over, I'll fly away
To a land on God's celestial shore, I'll fly away
When the shadows of this life have grown, I'll fly away
Like a bird from these prison walls, I'll fly way
I'll fly away, oh glory, I'll fly away
When I die, hallelujah by and by, I'll fly away
1 comment:
I praise God daily that previous bad decisions weren't made worse by more bad decisions. I also praise God for His gift of forgiveness that He shares in great abundance with us as well as our loved ones. For without Him, there is no capacity to love correctly or forgive at all. There is a great and holy purpose in fear and I also think in appropriate regret. Tools to help keep us on the path of impossible narrowness. Without brokenness, there is no repentance. Without repentance, there is no forgiveness. Without forgiveness, there is no reconciliation.
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