Matthew 18: 15 “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. 16 But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’ 17 If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.
Often scripture isn't specific about God's will. Whether and where to go to college, for instance isn't spelled out in detail for every individual on the planet, hence the importance of a vibrant relationship with God who can reveal these details to us. In other cases, however, scripture gives us clear instructions on God's will, yet we often choose to ignore it. In the case where one person wrongs another, scripture is crystal clear and provides step-by-step instructions on how to address the situation. Confrontation, especially in love, takes great courage. It's not easy, at least for me, to confront those who have wronged me unless I know them incredibly well. For most acquaintances, I find it much easier to talk about their wrongdoing behind their back. It's far easier to go to a trusted friend with a conversation that starts with, "you won't believe what so-and-so did." I might even try to rationalize this approach under the guise of "seeking advise." I think relationship experts call this triangulation, wherein one party involved in a dispute tries to recruit others to their side. I think scripture just labels it gossip.
We don't need advise or assistance, we already have it. Scripture is clear. We are to go to them - just the two of us and point out the wrongdoing. Scripture also points out in Matt 5 that we are to accomplish this quickly - before we "bring our gift to the alter." My own experience is that when I fail to follow scripture, wounds are opened that are deeper than necessary and slow to heal - if they ever really do so. Yet when I do follow scripture, I often find that the whole situation was a simple misunderstanding, quickly and easily resolved. So why is confrontation so hard? First, this takes a lot more courage and usually more effort than talking behind the other persons back. Second, in some cases we have to be willing to admit that perhaps we bear some, or all, of the blame. Third, sometimes we have trouble articulating exactly how we feel or why we're hurting. Regardless, scripture is clear that we are to go to the person quickly and address the situation.
It seems to me that our world would be a drastically different place if we would simply obey scripture in all cases, especially this one. Yet we continually demonstrate our hard headedness and heartedness toward the will of God. If we can't execute this simple instruction, then how can we be trusted with the deep things of God?
Lord grant me the courage, wisdom, and strength to correctly address issues at work today. Let your grace flow through me as I deal with disciplinary issues. May you also work in and through those in my church to address unresolved issues and put them to rest such that we may individually and collectively approach your alter in boldness and confidence of children without grudges, grievances, and blame.
1 comment:
Julie and I learned that this is a common occurance in a marriage or relationship and is termed "conflict avoidance". It can be absolutely devastating. Much like a small cut that can either be healed quickly with some antibiotic cream or get infected and lead to severe infection and even death, addressing conflict is necessary to avoid later catastrophes. Not allowing these are a priority in our marriage.
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