10 Why do you criticize and pass judgment on your brother? Or you, why do you look down upon or despise your brother? For we shall all stand before the judgment seat of God.
11 For it is written, As I live, says the Lord, every knee shall bow to Me, and every tongue shall confess to God [acknowledge Him to His honor and to His praise].
12 And so each of us shall give an account of himself [give an answer in reference to judgment] to God.
13 Then let us no more criticize and blame and pass judgment on one another, but rather decide and endeavor never to put a stumbling block or an obstacle or a hindrance in the way of a brother.
Lately I've become extra-sensitive to those around me that seem to find nothing to say except to criticize. Often, for instance, I hear people criticize the church service, the sermon, the music, the sound or visual aids. Some say the music is unfamiliar and doesn't fit with the worship style or that the sermon wasn't pointed enough. Others are frustrated with the upkeep of the building and grounds while others are frustrated with staff turnover. All may be valid critiques, but I'm wondering what people expect when they go to church. Furthermore, I'm wondering if they care how the criticism affects my spirit and perhaps more importantly, their own spirit. I'm not sure why I've become so sensitive, but perhaps God is dealing with my own critical spirit.
I'm most critical at home and mostly of Reja and the kids. Consequently, I constantly complain, nag, gripe, and issue negative reinforcement about everything. My clothes aren't clean, or my house isn't clean or my yard isn't cut, or my vehicles aren't clean, or dinner isn't ready and so on and so on and so on and so on. As we've aged, I can see the toll my perfectionist streak has had on Reja as she has come to expect criticism over several key topics and lives in a defensive posture and often lashes out even without criticism. In short, my criticism has made her worse, not better in every subject that I constantly berate her about. Now, I constantly pray for God to help me love her as Christ loves the church and to become an encourager, not a critic. As we know, however, a leopard simply cannot change his own spots except by the grace of God and the Grace of God doesn't change the consequences of years of bad decisions and behaviors over night.
So I live in a constant state of needing an extra dose of God's grace. Unfortunately, in spite of the fact that I think I might actually see a difference in myself, change in Reja or the kids lags behind the improvements I think I observe in myself. I've spent years building a critical relationship and they live in a world that expects it, often even misinterpreting my words and intent because of my past critical spirit. I've got a long way to go to become the man I should be, but in the meantime I live in a home of my own making. For that I need patience and I was not born with that gene. Back to the well of God's grace...
So I'm hypersensitive to criticism. I tell my engineering staff that it takes zero brain cells to criticize another's idea, design, or analysis. Real brains are required to actually execute a design or improve a design or conduct an analysis. More importantly, criticism doesn't help me accomplish our mission. Don't get me wrong, we need critique, but it can't end with criticism. I need answers, plans, paths forward. I believe church is no different.
In fact, what I see, is that we usually get out of a circumstance what we put into it. If we go to church expecting issues, we will find them readily. Worse, we won't worship. If on the other hand, we go expecting to draw nearer to and be caught up into the spirit of God, I almost always find an occasion to do so in our church. I guess what I learned from the school of hard knocks is that proper worship requires preparation of my own critical spirit or I simply miss the opportunities to worship, fellowship, and grow.
So are you constantly criticizing the church and its staff? If so, what do you hope to accomplish? Are your thoughts guided by the Holy Spirit or self-centeredness? If you think these thoughts are inspired, what do you think God is calling you to do about it? I urge you to be cautious in your criticism. I live in a home that has been perhaps irreparably damaged by my own critical spirit. Do you want to join me in the cesspool of my sin?
2 comments:
I know that I am too quick to be critical, but it is my own fears regarding my children that make me that way. It is most unfortunate, but if something doesn't change, or if we don't make a change, our kids will have gone through a virtually non-existent youth group. Reed has been completely lost by the youth program. The most he gets is from you as his SS teacher and neighbor. I am compelled to ask, will Jack get lost as well?
At what point do I decide to try to go find a productive Youth Program? It's too late for Reed, but should I hold onto hope for Jack. When is hope false hope in a failed program?
It just makes me critical sometimes because I want what is best for them and the current product isn't.
Brother I wish I had seen this prior to the weekend so we could have talked about this the other night. How would you define a productive Youth Program? I've watched Shalimar grow in numbers, but I haven't been impressed with their depth of discipleship. I'm familiar with Gulf Breeze and their impressive programming, but again, with a few exceptions, I find little depth. This isn't a programming issue, our kids have programs ranging from fellowshipping games to Chrysalis, Oakwood, etc. Maybe these all lack depth, but you and I had none of the above. The only things I recall from youth group was a choir tour in middle school with no discipleship and a canoe trip in HS.
We've got to encourage Reed to make his own faith productive. Choosing not to participate isn't the groups fault, nor Patrick's. Sure if there were more people, he might have more friends and choose to go to more events, but he would be going for the wrong reasons.
I'm troubled that as often as I've gone over the Holy Spirit for the past few years, Reed can't answer even simple questions like "where does God exist in the world today?" He's there, he appears to be listening, but for some reason simply not comprehending, not hearing, not remembering, or not internalizing. He's too smart not to comprehend or remember, so for whatever reason, he's not paying attention and not internalizing. What would he do with more depth?
I'm praying for him and praying that God will inspire me as to how to better communicate. I know you and Julie pray daily over him. At some point, he's got to choose which side of the fence he's going to come down on. I pray that small things like speeding tickets etc will get his attention. I also hope we can reach out to Alex.
One additional note, I've watched other kids come up through the group that could answer all my questions, but still have given into a lifestyle of sin as young adults. Perhaps he's getting more than we realize as I see no trend of a sinful lifestyle. I do see temptation and am not happy about his unwillingness to discuss how he will make choices under that temptation with you.
I guess my bottom line is you can criticize all you want, but its not helping Reed. What suggestions do you have that will improve it? In the end, I pray that Patrick will reach out personally to Reed as I think a personal relationship is the only thing that will reach Reed. It's not more study or games or fellowship or trips or events at least in my mind.
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