Desiring Death

Sometimes, when you’ve been the one to make a great mistake, one that is incomprehensible to others, they often turn to you when someone else is doing something incomprehensible wondering how or why they are doing what they are doing.  It is, of course, an impossible question to answer without knowing what that person’s own desires are deep inside them.  I find that I do the same.  When a friend who is an alcoholic was having trouble, I went to another friend who has been an alcoholic looking for answers.  Sure, there can be similarities, but I quickly realized that it was impossible for one to answer my inquiries about the other.  The reason for this is each one had different desires inside of them that brought on the alcoholism.

“Each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed.  Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death.” – James 1:14-15

As I was reminded of this verse recently and read it again for the first time (many times when reading Bible verses, it is as if I have never read them even though I know them, they seem to strike me anew often), I was overwhelmed at how this seemingly complex subject is simply written.  The beginning of our downfall is selfish desire within us, which leads to sin, which brings death.  The writer describes this as a growth process.  It just doesn’t happen overnight.  We don’t just wake up and say “Today I will bring upon death.”  The death is the deception, the lie, and it lies in wait as a supreme contrast to the exciting newness and conceiving of a fake life from our desires.  The desires, conceived within us, are of our energy and so we fuel it.  But, as that sin nature can only conceive one thing, sin, it does, and sin is born.  Once it is born, it can’t be unborn.  It is there.  If it is allowed to grow it becomes death, your undoing.  The exact opposite of the initial exciting newness and conception, which appears as new life.

Man’s nature hasn’t changed since Adam and Eve.  I can see the evil one discussing this with Eve.  “Don’t you feel the excitement of doing something new?  This is your life, who can tell you how to live it.  You will not die!  You eat fruit every day, this is just a different kind.  Who gave Him the right to tell you what is right and what is wrong?  If everything He made is good then how can this be bad?  He just doesn’t want you to know that you can make your own rules and live your own way, as He does.”

   

“So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate.” – Genesis 3:6  

I can’t discern whether Eve’s desire for the fruit came from within her or if it was created through the lies of Satan.  I get the idea that the more he talked about it, the more she stared at it, and the more she stared at it, the more she wanted it.  Somewhere at some time, a desire was conceived for the fruit and it moved from something God instructed not to touch to being “good for food”, “pleasant to the eyes”, and “desirable”.  The desire conceived sin.  I am struck at the lack of conversation over this between Adam and Eve.  Where is the “Woman, what have you done?” from Adam.  This is the first recorded conflict avoidance.  Instead of addressing the conflict, man participates.  God does not avoid conflict and does ask her “What is this you have done?”  She responds honestly, something people today seem unwilling to do upon confrontation.  God then tells Adam that they shall die for this sin.  The desire was made into sin and the sin became death.

Currently, there are two situations that we are around that involve someone who should know God, has been taught His moral authority over what is right and what is wrong, and who has practiced living as a Christian, but has now rejected His authority as God over their lives.  His Word no longer reflects truth to them.  They have had some internal desire conceived and birthed a sin.  It is there.  This sin is growing and will lead to death in their lives.  It is just a matter of what, or who, and when.  Unlike Eve (whose name was woman until after all of this when Adam then named her Eve), these two people are not answering the question of “What is this you have done?” honestly.  In fact, it is very difficult to get them to discuss it at all.  It is as if they know it is there, but don't want you to know it is there and if they don't talk about it, then it doesn't exist.  They are just outright rejecting God’s authority. 

The only word I can use is heartbreaking.  My heart breaks for someone who is turned and twisted.  My heart breaks for my inability to have any consequence.  My heart breaks for their eventual consequence.  I want for these to be resolved.  I do not want to watch a slow drama filled destructive life that self-justifies and excuses everything they do and blames everyone else for their consequences.  My only voice is my heart broken cry upon the altar of God to speed up His pressure, His work in their life so they come back to His reality sooner and the consequences are minimal.