I sit there quietly. The presence of a new day, a new dawn around me. My heart is open as the pressures of my work responsibilities conflict my immediate family ones, my thoughts reflect lost family, destroyed relationships, and I consider my inadequacy to be the father my kids need or the husband my wife deserves.
I start a
slow drive to work this Saturday morning.
It’s nice out so I let the windows down and turn the A/C off. As I pull up to the office, Holy Spirit by Francesca Battistelli starts
playing on the radio.
“There’s nothing worth more
That could ever come close
Nothing can compare
You’re our living hope”
My spirit
breaks. Tears well up in my eyes. Pain flows down my cheeks. Goose bumps rise across my back and over my
body. God is here, in my heart, comforting
me.
“Holy Spirit, You are welcome here
Come flood this place and fill the atmosphere
Your glory, God, is what our hearts long for
To be overcome by Your presence, Lord”
I am
conflicted between being overcome with thankfulness that He is here, for this very
moment, and my unworthiness to be deserving of even a passing glance or thought
from Him. Why commit me to Your
graces? I am someone who has never
fulfilled the potential You created in me.
I am a fragile egg, capable of being cracked apart at the smallest
drop. Why me O Lord? Don’t waste Your grace. Find a more worthy vessel!
“I’ve tasted and seen
Of the sweetest of loves
Where my heart becomes free
And my shame is undone”
I am
immediately so thankful for God’s love upon me.
There are so many blessings in my life.
God wraps a cover of warmth over my soul.
My thoughts
move to those who will never have a moment like this. Where is their comfort? Will they ever find rest? Lord, help them to find You! Lord have mercy on them and give them another
chance to choose You, even today.
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